The Power of 500 Nos
Why We Need to Stop Expecting Instant Success From Ourselves
I will be the first to tell you that I have heard some variation of “no” at least 500 times. Probably more. And even more often, I’m met with silence, which is a whole other form of disappointment altogether. The unanswered email. The pitch that disappears into the void. The follow-up that never gets a response. That lovely little reminder that apparently you weren’t even important enough to merit a no.
But what if all of those rejections are actually preparing us? Shaping us? Molding us into the person who is eventually ready for the yes?
I hate to always go back to how I got started publishing my own magazines because, aesthetically, it really couldn’t be further from what I’m building here, but the truth is, a lot of the legwork for my “no journey” happened with Get Griefy Magazine.
I was rejected. A lot.
No to podcast interviews. No to appearances. No to collaborations. No from people who didn’t see the value in what I was doing. No from people who didn’t understand it. No from people who simply underestimated how badly I wanted to make it work.
And as annoying as hearing “no” can be, I’ve found that it can also become some pretty intense motivation if you let it.
For me, a no is basically an “I’ll show them” on steroids.
If a no doesn’t light some level of persistence in you, then I would honestly ask you to take a step back and look at what you’re building. Do you believe in it? Is it something you actually want badly enough to keep working at when nobody is validating it yet?
Because some of the people who once told me no are now the same people asking to meet with me, grab coffee, or learn more about what I’m doing.
I’m not saying that to brag. I’m saying it because it took nearly three years of working my ass off, putting my head down, figuring things out, changing things, messing things up, trying again, and continuing to show up before the yeses really started rolling in.
And I think that is something we need to talk about more.
The no actually does something for you.
It forces you to take the opportunities that are available instead of waiting around for the perfect one. It gives you a chance to practice your pitch, your story, your presentation, your messaging. You get to figure out what works and, perhaps more importantly, what absolutely does not.
Then, when the bigger opportunity finally comes along, you’re not scrambling to figure out who you are or what you want to say.
You already know.
I think back to some of my first podcast appearances and even my first television appearances, and I can see such a difference between those and the opportunities I’m getting now. Not because I suddenly became a completely different person, but because I had the opportunity to practice.
I got to polish. Tweak. Fix. Try something again. Figure out what information mattered and what was just filler. Learn how to make my point without taking ten minutes to get there.
That doesn’t happen because you simply want to be good at something. It happens because you do it over and over again. And sometimes, you do it in front of an audience of three people before anyone is willing to put you on a stage in front of three hundred.
If you don’t feel completely confident in your brand yet, maybe you just haven’t been told no enough. Confidence doesn’t always come from being validated. Sometimes it comes from surviving rejection so many times that it stops scaring you.
So I have to ask: if you’re only being told yes, are you actually challenging yourself?
And if you aren’t asking because you’re scared of hearing no, are you really expanding? Are you giving yourself the opportunity to grow, refine, and become better at what you do before the really big opportunity comes around?
I know how exhausting it can be to continuously hear no. Or to feel like you are screaming into the void while everyone else seems to be getting their big break.
I’ve watched founders fall off, give up, or completely start over because things weren’t happening quickly enough. And sometimes, starting over is absolutely the right decision. This is not me telling you to blindly commit to something that isn’t working.
But sometimes, it just takes a little longer to cook.
We have become so accustomed to seeing the success story without seeing everything that came before it. We see the launch, the feature, the book deal, the television appearance, the sold-out event.
We don’t see the 100 emails that went unanswered. We don’t see the 50 pitches that got rejected. We don’t see the opportunities that never materialized. We don’t see how many times someone had to hear “not right now” before someone finally said “yes.”
So if you’re in your no era right now, don’t automatically assume you’re losing. You might just be in the part where you’re getting ready.
And honestly, maybe the power of the first 100 nos is that they make sure you’re actually ready when the yes finally comes. Because when it does, I want you to be able to walk into that room and know exactly who you are, what you’re building, and why it matters.
Not because someone finally told you that you were good enough. Because you kept going long enough to know it for yourself.
This magazine, community, and platform were built from the “no” side quest.
No matter where you are in your founder’s journey, there is a community here designed to help you get your voice, your work, and your face in front of more people.
As an Insider Circle member, you can guest blog, contribute to the quarterly publication, advertise at a discount, and collaborate on content designed to increase visibility, build credibility, and close the gap between where you are now and the opportunities you’re working toward.
We also offer affordable features you can leverage as proof of your work. Your media kit should do more than list what you do—it should show people that you are already being seen, featured, and trusted. When you’re reaching out to brands, partners, or potential opportunities, those proof points can make a real difference in getting their attention.
That’s why we believe in the MILSPO Builder. It’s about creating the visibility assets you need along the way, not waiting until you’ve “made it” to start showing people that you belong in the room.
Want to see what’s available? Visit our Work With Us page to explore the community, features, advertising opportunities, and ways to get involved.
